Final statement
Originally I wished to call this journal "Goodbye to BonBonBerry" but it didn't fit the tone I wanted to go for.
I know I have made statements before saying I'm leaving Deviantart in 2022. It was for a good reason.
Looking back at this account now I see a horror story, a desperate and sad attempt at keeping a strange identity I made here over the years. This account was originally created as a way to escape 'reality' as I'd call it.
HARPG has been my happy place and safe space for many years (and still is), I'd meet wonderful people and cautiously step around groups and other social events.
Though over the years, the account perpetually changed names, I have created a multitude of different breeds, tried hosting events and generally tried to be a valid participant in everything that existed here. Many stupid behaviours also arose, not speaking with people and a complete lack of engagement even though I have somehow garnered 3k+ watchers on this website. Or simply displaying anti-social behaviours.
In May of 2023 I have experienced a breakdown that finally broke the camel's toe and I could not fathom what was wrong with me, my head would be flooded with hateful voices, criticism, yelling and so much more in all the worst way. I couldn't sleep for days on end (4 days in a row even) I have been edgy and even unsavoury at times as I look back on it now.
Since then I have taken drastic actions to cope and seek help as otherwise I would have not managed. I do not possess memories of my childhood, I do not feel much, I express in a very numb manner or often substitute with emojis to express better myself (I know it's cringe for some people).
I have experienced incredibly harsh symptoms, I lashed out and tried to copy other behaviours to fit in. As I entered therapy I finally received the answers I wished for, and they frankly broke me. A survivor of CSA, with CPTSD & Depression (I will not elaborate on the events as they are extremely NSFW and I do not wish to scar other people with it) is one of the worst things I have ever learnt about myself.
This is why this account is a horror that unveils itself, under the cute art styles I tried to emulate of artists that I adore, all the shows I have entered and many other things. I was searching for happiness and looking for what other's seemed to already have and the motivation to create something of my own. I now know the answer and I have grieved the loss of the person I could have been if it wouldn't be for those that hurt me in my time of innocence.
I have made my peace with this account and I will keep it here as a reminder of where I am now. I did in fact return to DA under the name of Teathorn.
Now in a much more stable situation in life I hope to continue as a "better person" and part of this community. Actively in therapy and slowly building myself up as a person through trial and error. All is on it's way to be better, happier and more fulfilling.
BonBonBerry has been put to rest and hopefully she will never experience the pain ever again,
Thank you for reading my little goodbye to this account :)
Tea~
Leaving DA and HARPG
It has been a good/fun run but I sadly have lost my heart for this website in perticular. No blame on anything specific, there is Eclipse that takes some of it but it's also lack of activity and other personal reasons.
I will be leaving this account here as an archive sort of thing, not planning to deactivate it though (too much art xD).
All of my horses will be frozen for that time, maybe someday I will return of quietly sell them off whenever I feel like I want them to go to better hands. Again it was a good run but I don't click with DA no more, so this is pretty much a goodbye to this website but also a small note to all the lovely people that I met along the way.
So I shall see you another day :3
Zlessie problem
Hello everyone!
There has been a wee bit of a problem with zlesdin purchases. Over the years that I have been in the group horses have been bought and changed hands as they tend to do. I always keep track of the horses I own and update the registry the moment I have a chance to do so.
But some people have not been doing so, some people have bought horses from me and never re-registered them nor made even a new reference (and in some cases it been more then a year, and keep in mind I’m not being mean. I just want to keep track of things!).
Because of this, the registry is filled with ‘my’ horses and they happen to be stuck in limbo. Which is why I will be reclaiming horses that I have originally owned.
IF YOU OWN A HORSE PURCHASED FROM ME, please update the registry by the 1st of OCTOBER. Otherwise I will be reclaiming the horse and putting it back to Amber Ridge.
Thank you for reading my PSA
Tagalicious~
Tagged by the lovely:
Without further ado, let's get them questions rolling!
SHHH tell us who your favorite is, we wont tell the others hehe
Hard question to start with, I do love all my kiddos as dumb as they are but I had to point out a definitive fav it would be a mix between Charlie and Greg.
Who is the Chaotic one?
* stares at Greg * It's Greg, he's the man with deep pockets and as that goes the man with dumb ideas such as (and not limited to): Buying horses, outlandish shows, dress-up (what can I say he enjoys it), making everyone at AR have a mental breakdown.
Who's the Angel/Best behaving one?~
The new kid on the block, Regina! Absolute sugar muffin with sprinkles on top. Trying her best and always making the best out of any situation.
Who sold Who to a stranger for a single pretzel?
Laura sold Max, Max sold Laura. They are both chaotic, competitive and like to annoy the living crap out of each other. A pretzel is a great strategy as well!
What's a/some canon moment(s) that have only happened in your head and no one else knows about?
Charlie has gone through a rough divorce, thanks to the red-head dumbass he knows he has found a way to get back on track (Horses are a great form of therapy after all). He started off as a simple groom but soon expanded his horizons to who he is now. Charles strongly believes that Greg may have saved his life by just helping him out when he needed it.
Samuel does not get along with AR Rising Sun. It's a vice versa thing, they both despise each other and will be twats about it.
Regina is absolutely terrified of frogs/toads after she fell into a pond filled with those slimy goblins.
Mutual pining between Max & Laura, they are too dense to admit it and too dumb to get any hint, so they are stuck in a dumb rivalry.
Javiers Chihuahua Chica is a little shit. Not necessarily yappy, just spoilt beyong human comprehension. The dog believes it should be in the centre of attention at all times and will throw a fit if she doesn't get pets when she desires them.
Who's the youngest rider/stable member you have currently?
Amaya! She's 22, still a bby in the world of HARPG.
Is there a character owned by someone else that you/your stable would kidnap given the chance? (tell me who they are)
Oh an absolute load, I love kidnapping har har. But there would be too many names to mention, consider everyone in danger
Did you have plans for a certain character and then they did a big ol' loop de loop and became what they are now? what the heck were they supposed to be?
Oof there is quite a lot to say the least, I will shorten things down so it's not a book about me losing my train of thought!
Greg was originally meant to be a pretentious piece of ass that had too much and would be too greedy to give. As the timeline got created and sealed with blood he needed up being a much more grounded fellow, kind in nature but definitely eccentric in his taste.
Charlie started of as a "Watson" type of character to Greg's absolute madness but he later evolved into the endearing disaster we have today. He's unlucky, but a good egg
Laura, started off as a pure muffin and ended up being a bit more spicy.
Max was meant to be an absolute prodigy but since every HARPG stable ever seems to have that going on, Max later turned out to be more difficult then he likes to admit. Definitely has trouble with Dressage (he tends to mix up cues, is sometimes too slow, too fast, generally chaotic). But he's too proud to admit such flaws, Laura likes poke at him as she's above his level and often critiques his riding.
Sam, though he still hasn't gotten much screen time in the chaos of AR started off as a friendly guy that just gets swallowed by work. He ended up as a more anti-social type that LIKES work as it keeps his co-workers away from him.
Which character has an absolutely useless talent, and what is it?
Amaya - Origami master (neat party trick I guess).
Borys - 11/10 Russian accent.
Clarissa - Can recognise coffee brands by just giving them a sniff.
Greg - Can imitate deer calls (Red Deer, Fallow Deer and Roe Deer).
Who had the dumbest injury, and tell us how they got it.
Reggi with the frog pond incident, somehow managed to scratch her face on a rock in the process.
What would all your characters be arrested for and why?
Greg - Public nudity
Laura - Tax evasion
Max - Selling grass and saying it's weed
Clarissa - Drunk Driving
Charlie - Public disturbance (noise)
Javier - Drug distribution
Sam - Drunk Driving
Amaya - Piracy
Borys - Identity theft
Reggi - Saying she bought her daughter on the deep web
Do they have excuses for the above?
Guilty as charged :3
Secrets? any secrets here? hmm?
They wouldn't be secrets if I told them ye?
If your characters have any, what is your favourite relationship with another character they may have? (doesn't have to be romance, can be bromance, platonic, bffs with a horse idfc!)
Charlie x Lejla
Many more but hush hush there
The most wholesome moment you can think of between your characters, and go!
This lmao
Now the tags:
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SHHH tell us who your favorite is, we wont tell the others hehe
Who is the Chaotic one?
Whos the Angel/Best behaving one?~
Who sold Who to a stranger for a single pretzel?
What's a/some canon moment(s) that have only happened in your head and no one else knows about?
Whos the youngest rider/stable member you have currently?
Is there a character owned by someone else that you/your stable would kidnap given the chance? (tell me who they are )
Did you have plans for a certain character and then they did a big ol' loop de loop and became what they are now? what the heck were they supposed to be?
Which character has an absolutely useless talent, and what is it?
Who had the dumbest injury, and tell us how they got it.
What would all your characters be arrested for and why?
Do they have excuses for the above?
Secrets? any secrets here? hmm?
If your characters have any, what is your favorite relationship with another character they may have? (doesn't have to be romance, can be bromance, platonic, bffs with a horse idfc!)
the most wholesome moment you can think of between your characters, and go!
Camp Nightmare!
Camp-Nightmare Is officially open! This is an event group with multiple phases focused around teamwork, fun and obviously horses!
Join our discord, join the camp and have your HARPG kiddos meet-up with other folk! To add to it, the Camp Nightmare Cup needs a winning team!